|On the third day of Christmas...
||[Dec. 28th, 2013|01:27 pm]
An Ex-lover gave to me...
Three Insect Encounters
2 people learning
and 1 night in a tent
Fandom Buffy the vampire slayer
Summary Xander thinks over some of their past encounters
Written for 12dayschristmas
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Ever
Warning: I’m writing this at high speed just so I can have this done today!
Maybe it was just something about them, something that attracted those sorts of things, or something.
It wasn’t that they put up a notice in the lonely hearts section saying something like ‘SWF seeks anthropomorphic insect for loving, hugging, long walks by the beach and the inevitable destruction of all that we know and love’.
Though… that could be a pretty interesting advert to put in for next time… not next time! There was no next time! There hadn’t even been a first time! He didn’t use the lonely hearts section.
He didn’t need to; big creepy things that wanted to eat him kind of found him without him having to advertise the fact that he was single, or partially taken, or completely taken… or anything really.
There’d been Mantis lady of course; couldn’t forget her if he tried seeing as there’d been the whole wanting to mate and then kill him thing- that kind of thing tended to stick with a guy!
And the bug guy that’d come for Buffy and ended up trapping Cordy and himself in the basement of Buffy’s house. Admittedly he hadn’t been trying to mate with either of them (he didn’t even want to think how that might have gone down) but he had wanted to kill them, and Buffy too, so he was going on the list.
Then there’d been this sort of slug demon, that had been fun; fifty foot slug sliding all over the school. Amazingly salt had still worked on them, but they’d had to get Willow to use her magic mojo to get enough of it to actually have an effect and all.
Oh! And don’t forget that time when Oz had been held hostage by intelligent ants! That had been sort of cool in the end; they’d only wanted to have a place of their own and for people to stop treading on them and stuff and so they’d worked something out, but Giles crawling around on the floor and talking to ants was an image he was never going to be able to remove from his mind.
Then there was the giant worm thing. Ok, so it hadn’t really been a worm, but it looked like a worm and acted like a worm (apart from the eating people part) so it still counted.
Maybe they should just start carrying around bug spray, just in case.
Title Missed a Spot
Summary Arthur creates more work for Merlin
Written for 12dayschristmas
Disclaimer: I don’t own stuff. Apparently I’m not allowed because I’m not responsible enough
Note: Because I’ve used this idea a couple of times before I thought I’d try something just a liiiiiittle bit different
“Look, if you’re going to tell me that I’ve missed a spot, I really am going to punch you, future king or not. There are no splodges, spots, scrapes, marks or in fact any other word that you might be able to think of that means that I’ve not cleaned up properly.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
Merlin sighed, stood up and looked around at the future king of England “What?”
“I was actually going to ask you to remove the spiderweb that is currently in my bedroom. You do remember that you’re meant to do the dusting when you clean up, right?”
“Yes. What spiderweb? I didn’t see a spiderweb.”
“I did. It’s just to the right of the window. Just make sure that it’s gone by the time I return and don’t be so sloppy when doing my room.”
“Yes your most worshipful majesty, king of all the islands in existence.”
“Shut up Merlin.”
The young man waited until the prince had left his rooms and then curiously went into the bedroom and checked each of the windows, checking very carefully for any sign of a spiderweb. Eventually, in the window beside Arthur’s desk, Merlin spotted it, a tiny little baby spider that had probably come in through the window and had only just started trying to build its very first web.
“God, he just loves trying to find excuses to give me more work doesn’t he? Come here, little one. I wonder if you’re a boy or a girl spider?” Very carefully, Merlin reached up and caught the tiny spider between his hands, then leaned out of the large window and opened up his cupped hands.
It took a little encouragement, but eventually the spider dropped off his hand and out of sight. Merlin had heard once that tiny, tiny insects like ants and spiders could fall from huge heights and not be injured at all, and it was in fact larger creatures like elephants, or humans, that were more likely to be injured when falling, even from a relatively small distance.
The job done, Merlin left the bedroom and continued polishing the large table that he had been working on before Prince Arthur had distracted him.
It was funny, Merlin thought to himself, sometimes he didn’t mind Arthur too much, and then at other times he wanted to hit him in his stupid, cock-eyed, smug, wonky arrogant face. And two of those descriptions were possibly a little inflammatory, but he didn’t care.
But the funny thing wasn’t that he had very different opinions of the prince, it was more Why he had them. There were times, plenty of them as well, when Arthur could be one of the best people Merlin had ever come across.
He was kind, loyal, good, noble, self-sacrificing and brave, but he was also foolhardy and cocky and had an annoying habit of not really thinking of the consequences of just about anything.
But then there were times when he was the most infuriating person that had ever walked the face of the earth.
Merlin knew that some of that was because he was a prince and because of that he could be a complete and utter wanker, but really being a prince and being an uppity wanker, shouldn’t have made him quite as bad as he was at times.
It had started with him always pointing out the bits that Merlin had apparently missed, the dirt on the floor that Merlin knew hadn’t been there before, the clothes that Merlin would swear Arthur ripped or messed up on purpose, and the tiny flaws that he spotted with the jobs that Merlin had done that no one else would have ever noticed.
But then it started being about the tiny little insects that often came into the palace. It wasn’t Merlin’s fault that buildings just naturally did have insects in them, but apparently Arthur thought that it was his fault, and his responsibility, to get rid of them..
Merlin did because it was more than his job was worth to refuse, but still… he did wonder.
Then came that day.
Merlin had been in the hallway, running a duster over the banisters and trying to not look like he was trying to catch a glimpse of a visiting dignitary who was said to be incredibly handsome and very, very flirty with the downstairs staff.
Suddenly there was a yell from Arthur’s rooms and Merlin jumped, dropped his duster over the banister and he watched it sadly as it floated downward before hurrying into the room. He was going to get so bollocked when the butler found out that he had dropped something while cleaning, but if he explained that he had had to go save Arthur from something terrible, maybe he would be forgiven.
The sight that met him was one that would stay in his mind forever.
There was Arthur, clearly in the process of getting changed for a bath as he had no top on, and a towel was tucked into the back of his trousers, and in his hand was one of the swords that was normally handing on the wall. Merlin hadn’t even realised that they came off, but now it suddenly occurred to him just how sharp those things were.
“Arthur… are you ok?”
“Merlin!” Arthur looked across at him, and then back towards the door leading towards his bedroom. “Uh, yes. Well, no,” he admitted, seeing Merlin’s eyebrows start to move up. “There’s… something in my room.”
“Yes, Merlin, something. I was getting changed and I saw it.”
“I went under my bed. You’re just going to have to go in and get it out.”
“Wait, you’re standing out here with a sword and I have to go in and get something out from under your bed?! How is that even fair?”
“I don’t care, Merlin! Hopefully it’ll see you and run off anyway, but just get rid of it.”
“It would help if I knew what I was looking for.”
“You’ll know it when you see it.”
“Right.” He was really started to regret this whole ‘saving Prince Arthur from something terrible’ idea. Really it would have been better to just accept the bollocking that would have come from dropping his duster.
With a heavy heart he went into the bedroom and lay down on the floor and lifted the valance in order to look under the bed. “I don’t see anything.”
“It’s definitely under there. I saw it go under and I haven’t seen it come back out yet.”
“Yeah, well like I said, you’re standing out there with a sword,” Merlin muttered and squinted his eyes a little as he tried to spot something, anything, that might have been a… ‘something’
And then he spotted it…
“By any chance did you spot a spider.”
“I wouldn’t call that a spider, Merlin; it was practically the size of a cat.”
Merlin tilted his head to the side and raised up a hand in order to compare it with the size of the spider. “I would say it’s maybe about the same size as… my thumb nail… if that.”
“Look, it doesn’t bloody matter how big it is, just get rid of it!”
“Arthur… are you arachnophobia?”
There was a long and drawn out silence and then Merlin suddenly felt something sharp pressed lightly on the small of his back. “If anyone hears about this, and I do mean anyone, Merlin, you will regret it for the rest of your measly little life. Got that?”
Merlin swallowed and nodded, then forced himself to speak as he realised that with his head under the bed it was not really possible for Arthur to see that. “Yes, sire.”
“Good.” The sharp pressure was gone, but Merlin stayed where he was until he was sure that Arthur was gone, taking the sword with him, and then finally pulled himself out from under the bed and hurried to the prince’s mirror to make sure that that sword tip hadn’t actually marked him. Arthur hadn’t been trying to hurt him at the time, just gently threaten, so he was pretty sure that it hadn’t gone through to the skin, but even so, it had been a sword pressed to his back.
From the prince’s bathroom he could hear the sound of water and so he had to guess that Arthur was finally getting his bath and so very quickly coaxed the spider out from under the bed and released it before running downstairs.
It was only when he was being reprimanded for dropping his duster and for his inappropriate behaviour that he regretted not coming up with a better excuse than “Prince Arthur made me jump.”
Title The Team
Fandom Vampire, the Masquerade
Rating 15 (for swearing)
Summary The Malkavian talks about his team mates
Written for 12dayschristmas
Note: This fic is based on the roleplay game, Vampire; The Masquerade, and more specifically, about the game that my friends and I were playing.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own the game in any way (not even the books for it sadly ;_;) and I do NOT own the majority of the characters. However, the narrator is MY character from our game. So I sort of own him (Yes, Him!)
Warning: This is narrated by a Malkavian. To those who understand, excellent ^_^
So, there are certain things that people don’t realise about vampires. One of those things is that sometimes vampires are really, really fucking stupid. Not all of them.
But some of them.
I was in a team with some of these vampires, and we were an odd team. There was me, the brains of the outfit I suppose. I had knowledge, I lived in a bookshop. Do you know that nice smell that books give off? I used to have that every day.
They made me move out of my bookshop. I was very angry about that.
And someone tried to burn my books.
They tried to BURN my Books!
BURN my BOOKS!
Sorry. I get a bit upset about that. You don’t do that to books. It’s wrong. And naughty. And wrong.
Then there was Alex. He was the money I guess. He always had money and he liked being all neat and tidy. He was a bit up himself really.
When we went in the sewer which wasn’t really a sewer he got very worried about the state of his suits.
I once snuck into his room and put something in the lining of one of his suits.
He doesn’t know that yet.
There was another thing that he did that was very bad. But I’m not supposed to talk about it. If I talked about it he would get in trouble and while it might be fun to see him get in trouble, he’s useful.
But he hurt my books.
He hurt them very badly.
I don’t forgive easily.
And we have Doctor Graves. He has a friend called Benjamin who used to be imaginary but is now a cat. I don’t know how that happened.
Everyone says that I am the crazy one, but he is the one that talks to an imaginary friend who turned into a cat.
Graves likes pain. I don’t think he likes being in pain, but he likes causing it. He likes making people feel pain a lot.
Sometimes it’s not very nice being next to him.
He sometimes smells of old blood.
Not like how we’re dead.
And then there are the dogs.
There is one dog who is a quiet dog, and almost not like a dog at all. He is bearable and I would like him to stay around a lot and make friends with all of the computers for me.
I don’t like computers sometimes because they are not books, but someone said that if I can use a computer good I can use it to get more books. That is something I do like.
Sometimes the quiet dog is funny. He will be very, very quiet and then he will say something that will be very, very funny. Other times he thinks that people are going to break into the computers and find him.
I don’t know how they work.
And then there is the other dog.
He is the noisy dog, and sometimes a very bad dog. He likes bugs, like ants and flies and bees and things. I don’t like them much because they annoy me when I am reading. But he really likes them.
I think he makes a little bed out of the insects and he sleeps on top of it. That would be something he would do.
But there was a time when we were in the pretend sewer and he walked into a wall. That was very funny.
We all laughed.
I want more people to walk into walls, but the walls won’t move to where I want them to be.
But there was another time when he did something. And I don’t know why he did it. We were fighting a monster. It was big and we were trying to burn it (did I mention that I like fire? It’s fun and pretty and it can kill me, but that bit isn’t good.)
He summoned ants to come and get it.
It was a monster.
Covered in ants
Ants are not good at fighting
They are good at stealing food; that is not useful for fighting.
Unless it was a monster made of food.
A monster made of food would be easy to beat because it can be baked and eaten.
But ants cannot beat monsters that are not made of food, because they are very, very, very, very, very, very, very small. Very small.
I can burn things you know.
I wasn’t allowed a gun. They said that I shouldn’t be allowed to have a gun because it wouldn’t be a good idea. I did get a very good gun once though. It does different things when I shoot it. But that isn’t the gun that I get to use most of the time.
I use fire.
And a nerf gun.
My bullets have needles in the end and then I set them on fire and I shoot them.
The needles sometimes stick into my enemies and then the fire burns them.
I got a zombie in the eye.
Zombies burn fun.
Ants just pop.
So you see, I am the brains of the outfit.